Lilipucik – An Antinomian Bedtime Story

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Today, my auntie told me a diabolical story she read in some shitty tabloid newspaper. It’s a true story, she said, and of course, I believe her. I don’t remember the title but the story illustrates in the best way the sinister spirit. So here it is:

There was once a man, called Johnny, who spent many years in prison for killing his wife. Not that he didn’t love her. In fact, he loved her so much that he got terribly jealous. One day, thinking she betrayed him with another man, in the surge of emotions, he smashed her head with a hammer. When he realized the horror of his deed, he wept and moaned but it was to late. His wife was dead and he found himself behind the bars. In prison he was so kind and humble that he was released earlier for good behavior.

When he came back home, he became a nature lover. He fed hungry birds in winter and started keeping hens. He also cared for stray dogs. But he had one favorite pet he loved fiercely; a little, nearly miniature cock, he called “Lilipucik”, which is a Polish diminutive name for a midget.

One winter morning, on his way to work, he met a homeless man. He was so hungry and looked so miserable that Johnny took pity on him and decided to take him to his home. The homeless man was really grateful and did all the work around the house. Every day, Johnny came back home, there was a hot meal waiting for him.

You know what I long for? – Johnny said to the homeless man – a good hot chicken soup. Kill one hen and cook the soup for me.

So the homeless man got up in the early morning, took an axe and started wondering which hen is most suitable for his benefactor’s dinner. Suddenly, he noticed a tiny thin cock staggering in the yard. Meh – he said to himself – this cock will be dead in no time. Why waste its meat?

And he chopped off Lilipucik’s head.

Johnny came back home and at the doorstep he felt the delicious smell of a soup. Oh how horrified he was when he saw his beloved little cock boiling in the pot! He didn’t listen to the homeless man’s feeble explanations, he wept and shouted at him. “What did you do?! How could you kill my Lilipucik?!” He threw his things out of the house and told him to go away.

The homeless guy shrugged his shoulders, thought the man was crazy, and went his way. Meanwhile, Johnny stopped weeping, looked again at the pot and felt his own head getting hot with surging fury. He took the axe, still stained with Lilipucik’s blood, got on his bike and followed the homeless guy. Finally, he reached him.

You know what it is? – he said showing him the axe – It’s the same axe you killed my little cock with. My dear Lilipucik, whom I loved so much. Now this very axe will chop off your head.

And he smashed the homeless man in the head.

A few months later, Johnny stands before the court.

It’s your second crime, your second murder – the judge says – you deserve the life sentence. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

It was love, Your Honor. – Johnny says – I did it all for love. I loved my wife so much that I killed her. And I loved my cock so much that I killed the motherfucker who dared to take his life. Without my little cock, life is worthless to me.

Bye my Lilipucik. Bye.

And little Johnny, totally devastated, rots in his hell cell.

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Just a Voice in My Head

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Dear reader, this incoherent string of thoughts below is or could be my confession. I’m writing it down because I’m bored with the game I’ve been playing for too long a time. I’ve managed to fool everyone, including myself.

I’ve been living in this matrix I built for myself for the whole of my life. Or is this other people’s fault? I don’t have time to figure it out now. Enough of going round in circles. I just want to leave and let the door hit my ass on my way out.

They say I’m a misogynist. I’m not. I don’t hate women. I just don’t care. No no. It’s as if I didn’t care. Why do I feel a pang of pain if I see her in his arms? This one or that one. All the time the story repeats itself. What is wrong with me? Is my ego at fault? Why don’t they see me for what I am?

I say I don’t need them but I need them. I want to live alone, yet my middle finger shown to the world is a desperate cry for attention. My defiance is a sigh of a wounded heart. I struggle a lot to show how much I don’t care and hide my desire to impress.

Why do the bitches hate me? If I only knew why. I’m a little bit confused. What if my enemies exist only in my head?

So now I’m telling you all goodbye. Saying goodbye to the world of lies and stories. Leaving it behind and what did I expect to discover except for how deluded and stupid I’ve always been?

Everyone is a liar.

It seems my only fault is that I can only be good.

The Frog And The Princess

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Once upon a time, beyond the seven seas, there lived a princess who badly wanted to marry a prince. One day, when she was walking in the garden, she saw a frog. Without thinking twice (because she remembered the stories her mom read her for goodnight), she took the frog in her arms.

My dear prince – she said to it – your cruel fate is coming to an end. My love will save you.

And she carried the frog to her castle. She kissed it and… nothing happened.

But the courageous princess didn’t lose heart.

Honey – she said showering the frog with kisses – what a cruel witch put such a strong spell on you? You’re ugly as hell but I see beauty in your eyes. I will always love you!

Nothing happened.

But the princess was determined and wasn’t going to give up. “No surrender” that was her life motto.

I know what I will do – said the princess – I will give you an ultimate proof of my love.

And the princess stripped naked and did a fine belly dance before the perplexed frog.

Still the frog remained a frog.

You scoundrel! – cried the princess and in her fury she threw the frog against the wall.

You fool – moaned the frog as it was giving its last breath – Can’t you see I’m just a fucking frog?